How marriage heals.
In Christ’s answer to the Pharisees’ question about marriage and divorce, He recollects the Genesis narrative of God’s creation of woman (Eve) out of the rib of the man (Adam). And it’s in this context of creation and intention that those wondrous words about the unity of marriage are first heard: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, italics mine).
So compellingly beautiful is this image, this calling toward the “one flesh” unity of marriage. Yet, how difficult it can be, as married persons, to live up to this reality - to obey the cleave command in and through the daily drag of married life.
It is not easy to love. It hurts. This is, perhaps, why marriage is often likened to a fiery hot crucible of cleansing. Speaking for my wife, I know that the painful heat of being married to me has, at times, been almost too much for her to bear. All of my faults - my scornful pride, my laziness, my biting tongue, my insensitivity and anxiety - have confronted and burned her, caused great pain and strife between us. Marriage - like a salve - brings these “impurities” to the surface; there is no other human relationship that has so clearly been a mirror to me of my faults. It is in light of this confrontation with our brokenness that God’s command to stay together takes on such profound import. Our cleaving to one another slowly initiates us into the reality that all of us can be loved, embraced, and - most importantly - can be healed and made new in the light of Christ.
So… we work our differences out. We struggle together - through tears and sweat - to learn sacrificial love and long-suffering patience. In this way, my wife becomes the cross upon which my old nature is crucified. Our shared life becomes the arena wherein loving obedience is given the opportunity to take shape within the heart. Painful? Yes, for the moment. As for eternity: beautiful beyond comprehension.
A final note for consideration: Unfortunately, there are times when a marriage becomes destructive and when that saving/purifying quality of the union is lost; therefore, if you’re struggling to tell the difference between healing discomfort and unnecessary suffering, it is important to seek wise and compassionate counsel for further guidance on this sensitive issue.
